It’s The Night Before Christmas Eve

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Tis the season to be share nachos with mates…

Mama Violet, Genie Turmeric and Noir Chocolate are watching a film on the night before Christmas Eve.

Turmeric: I have always enjoyed Titanic. It’s one of my favourite romance movies ever!

Noir: Really? Why do you like it so much?

Turmeric: I like Jack! I think he is a very handsome young man and what happens to him is so tragic! It’s hard to not feel emotionally connected to him when he dies in the ocean to save his beloved…

Mama Violet: Yeah…Jack dies for Rose in the end and I don’t like Rose.

Noir: Neither do I! She is too fat but doesn’t get it and I think Jack fell for Rose in Titanic because she feels so like real to him!

Turmeric: Oh! I hate Rose…she is so big she ended up resting on an entire doorway all by herself when the ship…sank!

Noir: I know! Jack should have let Rose float instead in the ocean and put himself on the door! With how huge Rose is, she would have easily been her very own round life raft in the icy waters to float around!

Turmeric: Hahahahaha! Oh! That’s seriously funny!!!!!!!!!!

Mama Violet: Yeah…what about Rose’s mother? What do you think of her, Noir?

Turmeric: I think she is a hag!

Noir: I think she is a shame to the high class or aristocratic class or whatever it is you want to call it. I mean, she couldn’t look after Rose because she was in debt because of her husband and then didn’t even get a job to get out of it. Instead, Rose’s mother actually contemplated working as a mere seamstress, which isn’t really some kind of job for an aristocratic lady to talk about in a dignified manner, and it was all to properly look after herself and her seventeen-year-old daughter but she also approached that with a lot of dread and then in the end all that happened was that she coerced Rose to marry a young man with a fortune so that Rose and her mother can comfortably continue to live their aristocratic life for like forever! How disgraceful!

Mama Violet: I know! Your from a high class yourself…what does your mother do?

Noir: Oh! She works in fashion! She’s a fashion designer in Paris! She has her own fashion label which has been showcasing collections in Paris Fashion Week ever since the nineties! It’s a relatively new label she founded herself when I was a kid but it’s rather well-known and everything and she regularly designs all of the clothes the label manufactures!

Turmeric faints hearing the story…

Noir: Turmeric…are you alright?

Eric pops into the living room then with some nachos.

Eric: Noir, do you want some nachos with your movie?

Turmeric then wakes up hearing Eric’s voice…

Turmeric: I am alright, Noir! You boy…come here and feed me nachos, pretty please!

Eric: What? No!…Noir, do you?……..do you want some nachos?

Noir: I think I want nachos, yeah!

Turmeric: Hmph! (mutters under his breath) I cannot believe Jack ends up with Rose in Titanic and these two are still only sharing nachos. I think it’s time I take this matter of love I would love to see inbetween Prince Eric and Noir into my own hands…mwahahahahahaha….oh! Sorry! I must do this in a hush-hush!

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The Know Your Tarts Series

Tis the season to spend time with family...
Tis the season to spend time with family…

Cow,  Prince Eric, Noir and Turmeric are having a guessing game on for the evening as a way to relax and catch up with each other.

Noir: I have an idea for a game. When I say a sentence that a girl usually says after a date, you have to finish it in a way you feel that it should end.

Turmeric (blushes): Oh my! That sounds so amazing! I want to go first!

Noir: Stephanie says she feels unusually sick in the morning…

Turmeric:…why?…I mean…but the precious has no idea why!

Noir: Stephanie says she wants to go to have a holiday with a mountain-view…

Cow: She wants to be rugged and the right girl for you because she absolutely loves hiking!

Noir: Stephanie says she is cooking a meal for two…

Eric: Because she feels romantic 24/7…she’s the cutest and the most simple-minded thing in the world because great minds think alike…in romance…too !

Noir:……………………………..right!

Turmeric:…I want to watch a movie now! But who won?

Noir: Ah! I think…Eric!

Eric: YAAAA!!!!

Noir: Since Eric won, he can uhhh pick the film!

Eric: Yeah! Let’s see…we can watch ‘The Hangover’!

Noir, Cow and Turmeric (all together): Yeah!!! That sounds brilliant!

Thanksgiving in Egypt

The Simpsons = what the holidays mean to Turmeric, Noir and Eric
The Simpsons = what the holidays mean to Turmeric, Noir and Eric
It’s the eve before Thanksgiving. Cow isn’t familiar with the holiday but in his kingdom there is a lot of vigorous activity going on because Noir is preparing portions of the meal to be cooked tomorrow night for the special American holiday. Cow can smell too many delicious smells coming from the kitchen so he decides to chat with Noir over the stove-top.
Cow: I was wondering what kind of meals you are making – it all smells so good!

Noir: It’s a traditional Thanksgiving meal – roast turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, and cranberry sauce. I was thinking of making some other sides but not too sure how that’s going to fit into the meal. There’s already too much to eat so maybe I should stick to the traditions and that will be it, for this year.

Cow: Yes, I think a traditional thanksgiving meal would be just lovely, my precious!

Noir: Yeah!…almost, coming right up!

Cow: My dear, aren’t you British?

Noir: Yeah! Why?

Cow: I was just curious as to why you are celebrating Thanksgiving because I never saw British people making a load of fuss about the holiday, in my life!

Noir: It’s really an American and Canadian holiday! But the British are colonial so we can celebrate it!

Cow (gaping): For both the two countries?

Noir: Yeah! What are the odds, huh? I have always loved both, from I think since I was a toddler!

Cow: That’s marvellous to hear!…do I have to invite my mother for Thanksgiving?

Noir: Yup!

Cow: Oh! Better do that now then, it’s already evening! I am pretty sure she’ll be here before tomorrow noon and then we can all enjoy the meal and…

Just then Noir’s genie pops up in the kitchen…

Turmeric: I was just reading “The Daily Sand” and you will never believe who is getting married!

Cow: Who?

Turmeric: Your biggest rival’s daughter! Noir, do you remember him?

Noir: No!

Cow: I do! How come? Wasn’t she supposed to be training to succeed him to his throne?

Turmeric: Yup, that’s why! She finds life unbearable without a man to hold her in his arms! She thought, “first marriage, then everything else in life”…

Noir: Really? Very strange woman!

Turmeric: Yeah! She’s very plump too, so I wonder what kind of husband she got in life…

Noir: An ugly one! A seriously ugly one!

Turmeric: Naturally….but what kind of seriously ugly?

The next day…

It’s Thanksgiving Day. Eric is setting the table with Juskpohn and Cow’s mother, Mama Violet, who is besotted with Noir. She has begun to think of Noir as her own granddaughter, something she has longed for for many years, and even bought two peach yarn balls to give to Noir’s two kittens to play with.

Mama Violet: You love to have many pets then?

Noir: Yes! I like to have as many as I can take care of!

Mama Violet: Cow I need more napkins for table settings!

Cow:…I only have handkerchiefs left now, with the amount you used!

Mama Violet: What will I do? You know, our table is enormously long!

Eric: I will get them!

Turmeric: You boy! Do you know magic that you think you can?

Eric: No! But I can get them from a shop nearby!

Turmeric: But everything is closed on Thanksgiving!

Eric: They don’t celebrate Thanksgiving in Egypt!

Turmeric: Ohhhhhhhhhh! How dare you ruin it? I was in character!

Eric:…sorry! Does it put you into a more Thanksgiving spirit that way?

Turmeric: I was already in a proper festive spirit! And you don’t have to show off that you know Thanksgiving isn’t celebrated in Egypt! Every idiot in town knows that!

Eric: Really? I would imagine…most…people…don’t!

Noir: The turkey is done! It’s time to dig in!

Cow: Really? I’ll pour us some iced tea…

Turmeric: Iced tea, see that boy! Bet you never had that before!…Eric…Eric?

Turmeric notices Eric helping Noir out in the kitchen because there are too many dishes to carry to the dining table.

Turmeric: Well, would you look at that! That boy is actually of some use in the kingdom!

Noir & Turmeric

Noir finds a very useless genie, Turmeric, which she decides to get to train

Noir and Eric have gone to the bazaar to get some fresh produce for the palace kitchen. Little does Eric know that in his leather-tasseled-backpack, two of Noir’s pets, these mischievous skunks, have hidden themselves as stowaways, onto the bazaar. At the bazaar…
Eric: Can I get that green cabbage please? And about 1kg of tomatoes?
Grocer: Sure!
Just then, from Eric’s backpack, the two skunks peer out and release their typical toxic smell. Eric smells this toxic smell around him and starts to believe he has been double-crossed. Dropping the produce instantly, and opting out of purchasing rotten-smelling vegetables, Eric begins to argue with the grocer over his tricks.

Meanwhile, at the bazaar…

Noir is at a different end of the bazaar. She gets a kilogram of seedless chilli fries and a kilogram of enchiladas, for her daily cooking needs. Right next to the shop of spices, is a a vast market of ornaments and trinkets sellers. In that market, a lamp catches her eye…
Noir: Old man! How much do I have to haggle for that old gold lamp?
Old Man: Not that much! I will give it to you for thirty-five gold coins. It comes with a genie…
Noir: Really? Will that genie do everything I ask him to?
Old Man: Why don’t you give it a rub and find out?
Noir gives the lamp a rub and out pours a genie wearing white robes and a golden turban.
Genie: Oh hello!!! You have rubbed my lamp! So, from now on you are my sire!
Noir: What’s that?
Genie: You are my sire! And I will give you everything you desire in love!…I will grant all your wishes in love, my dear!
Noir: But I don’t need any of that! What else can you do?
Genie: But…you must get me! That is my only power. I can grant all your wishes in love!
Noir:…what is your name?
Genie: Turmeric!
Noir: Okay! I will get you, and then maybe I can teach you some tricks…
Turmeric: Why you eye me, you boy?
Noir: What?
Eric: I wasn’t eyeing you!
Noir: What?
Turmeric: I am talking to that boy, there! Why you eye me?
Eric: Shut up! I only came to see Noir!…Noir, can we go to another bazaar?…I think the vegetables are kind of funny-smelling here!

Prince Eric travels from Morocco to Cairo!

Cow and Chef are still at the market bickering over what greens to get Noir for the feast. At that precise moment, a young Prince on horseback arrives.

Prince: Good morning, my lord! Do you happen to know the way to an oasis? I needed to refill my water flask on my journey.
Cow: Who are you?
Prince: I’m Eric. I have travelled all the way from Morocco and it’s been hours, for me since I’ve had any water.
Chef: You came all the way from spice-town on horseback?
Eric: I’m a Prince! So, yes….(Eric falls off his horse because of exhaustion and dehydration and passes out)……
Cow: Oh no!!!!!!!!! Prince?
Chef: Prince, are you alright?……….Here, have water from my bottle!

The two feed Eric water, put him back on his horse and takes him back to the Kingdom; Eric is still passed out, until he reaches the golden gates of the palace – there he can somewhat makeout the hazy shape/outline of Noir rushing to the door.

Cow: Noir! This is…Eric. Can you take him to one of the palace rooms and look after him? He fainted from traveling a lot without water!……Oooooooh! Am I seeing a dog behind you?
Noir: Huh? Oh yeah! It’s my Dalmatian, Fang. It goes with me everywhere because they’re like my dogs, you know! How was the bazaar besides Eric?
Cow:…We aren’t done yet! We’ll just head back now and come back in time for supper!
Noir: Alright! (pats the horse) What’s your name, boy?….Do you have a name?…Come I’ll feed you water!

Noir takes the horse, deep inside the Kingdom to a water barrel filled with floating strawberries and edges the horse to drink it. For Eric, Noir goes to the wine cellar next to the barrel and gets a wine flute filled with water and a handful of freshly plucked, clean strawberries.
Noir: Eric! (nudges him with her finger) Here, have some water!
Eric: (groans) Thank you! (He finishes drinking the water in a gulp!) Can I have some more?
Noir: Sure! Would you like strawberries? They’ll make you feel better fast for the nutrients!
Eric: Yeah!..What’s your name, fair maiden?
Noir: Fair maiden? Do you always talk like that in medieval tongues? I’m Noir! Would you like to stay with us for a few days? My Cow…my King….uh, the King…………has asked me to look after you!
Eric: Yes, I would love that!
The two are eating strawberries and drinking water, when Cow comes running back to the Kingdom.
Cow: I just ran into Stefan at the market because he went to get more olive oil for tonight’s feast. (panting) Can I please have my samosa vegetarian? The Chef would love it!!!!!!