Cow & Goat

Cow tells a story to his royal subjects about his friend Goat’s troubles – the tragedies happening in Goat’s kingdom

Cow is busy in his palace today. He has been thinking about how different his life has become, since he appointed Noir as an adviser to his enormous kingdom. Cow is a lot more calm, less stressed about local corruption ruining his long term chances of ruling, less worried everyday about losing money to rulers from nearby rival kingdoms, and more at peace with the thought that he might actually have done something right in life to have Noir, all for himself. Speaking to his royal court…
Cow: Noir is the child I have wished for, for a very long time. I know she loves fish too much and is English but I hope with all my heart that all of you will make her feel welcome here, and accept her as a young superior to most of you.
The Royal Court (all together): Yes, we very happily do!!!!!
Cow: You know, I recently wrote a letter to my friend Goat, who rules over desert dunes, quite far away from Egypt, actually, in response to the letter he sent me to keep in touch. You will not believe that I did not have one single good thing to say about any of the princesses in Goat’s Kingdom in Iraq!
The Royal Court: Oh my dear majesty!!! Why???
Cow: There are, I think, about 808 princesses in his kingdom. Every single one of them, young and old, got married to mine and his rivals. Some of them even used to be the hope of his kingdom but then in the end, they had to quit everything because they could no longer be the good princesses everyone wanted. They fell madly in love with the sons of my rivals, and so had to abandon their princess responsibilities to spend all their time with them!
The Royal Court: That is the scariest story I have ever heard!!!
Cow: It gets scarier…those princesses, in particular, who apparently are very eager to meet Noir, were only handed the responsibility to manage and maintain friendly relations with the rivals of Goat’s kingdom because that is the only way that Goat has always ruled…adjusting to rivals, that I could never do, in my whole life!
The Royal Court: What pathetic princesses! Can they not fawn less on those ugly men, in a sea of ugly men?
Cow: No! They cannot! Because then their husband will disappear, and they will end up heartbroken, in a world where the other princesses are still married to their husbands’ fathers.
The Royal Court (pause and all together, in fear): That exotic story sounds too ridiculous to be true, your majesty!!!
Cow: Who cares how it sounds? It is actually true! I told Goat…Noir might be the kid who can cook my troubles away sometimes, with a fried chicken or two (with English Dijon mustard, on the side) but she is a very capable and intelligent addition to Cow’s kingdom. Do you know how humiliating it was for Goat to call those princesses as his own? I told Goat…you just give Noir all of my rivals, like all of your pretty (and precious) princesses and within a day they will end up humiliated in front of my kingdom, and maybe even the whole of Egypt. Some mighty  precious princesses indeed Goat has…

Meanwhile, another problem is bugging Juskpohn…

Cow and Juskpohn are busy talking about Noir’s room in Cow’s palace.
Juskpohn: I wanted to talk about Noir’s room and this rumour that has popped out of nowhere…
Cow: Ahhhhhhhhhh! Juskpohn! What rumour?
Juskpohn: I have been reading in “The Daily Sand” that people in our kingdom are worried about the feng shui in Noir’s room. I find that thought, frankly, very disturbing!
Cow: What is feng shui?
Noir: If the feng shui in my room is right, then as the resident of the room I apparently will have a lot of harmony in my life.
Basket: What a load of nonsense!
Juskpohn: I agree. But people in our kingdom sometimes follow ancient Chinese philosophies so they are complaining out loud a lot about the lack of feng shui in Noir’s room.
Cow:…I don’t want to change much!
Juskpohn: But your rivals have fed them a story that everything is going to go wrong if the feng shui in Noir’s room isn’t right!
Noir: Tell them all this is Egypt, not India!!! Those kind of sick superstitious attitudes only work in that country!


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